To Whom it Concerns

As an editor, the following is definitely my favourite sort of correspondence. Nothing brightens our day like some harsh but fair constructive criticism. I was not the recipient of this email, but it has fallen into my hands through other channels. I may post the reply tomorrow. Names withheld.

From: someone@somewhere.ie
Subject: your shit publication
To: apublication@somewhereelse.ie

Dear Sir, Madam or to whom ever the fuck it may concern.

“Buzzards” by Someone is maybe the best poem written in this shit country since the second coming. John Bancille has described it as “the unofficial anthem of the recession” and Coetzee as “fucking epic”
Clearly you haven’t a clue about what constitutes great literature. Think of it as when whoever it was didn’t want to publish Kafka. Or when they decided not to turn Nic Cave’s script for Gladiator 2 into a movie.
When I am published, rich and famous I, and not you, will be the one laughing. Thats if I haven’t already set fire to your homes and raped your loved ones in the meanwhile.

In faith,

My giant cock

Published in: on June 10, 2009 at 7:21 pm  Leave a Comment  
Tags: , , , , , , , , , , ,

Don’t Cha

Published in: on June 9, 2009 at 11:52 pm  Comments (1)  
Tags: , ,

Muppets

No explanation necessary.

Published in: on June 8, 2009 at 12:31 pm  Leave a Comment  

Just picture it

The lil bro is doing a portfolio course next week for art college, so I was looking through my art materials today to see if I had anything he needed. I forgot, but I have quite a lot. Like…loads. And I never use them anymore, very sad.

SoI got my pastels out and drew what was in the corner of my desk. It’s been about two years since I drew with pastels so results were not exactly overwhelming, but some parts are nice. Here’s a pic, though the colours don’t really photo well.

Trinity Ball 054

Yes, I have china ornaments and so am basically a nan. Oh also, top tip for when you’re drawing is to look at the picture in a mirror as you go, cos you’ll spot mistakes/crookedness/non-symmetry if ya do.

Oh and a PS, I’m getting lots of hits but no comments, so do leave me one if you’re reading this! Even if it’s just…your life is dull, why bother.x

Published in: on June 7, 2009 at 11:18 pm  Comments (2)  
Tags: , , , , ,

Lost in Translation

I didn’t write this list, and I don’t know where this is from, so if it’s yours then kudos.
13) When Parker Pen marketed a ball-point pen in Mexico, its ads were supposed to have read, “It won’t leak in your pocket and embarrass you.” The company thought that the word “embarazar” (to impregnate) meant to embarrass, so the ad read: “It won’t leak in your pocket and make you pregnant.”


12) Scandinavian vacuum manufacturer Electrolux used the following in an American campaign: “Nothing Sucks like an Electrolux.”


11) Clairol introduced the “Mist Stick,” a curling iron, into Germany only to find out that “mist” is slang for manure. Not too many people had use for the “Manure Stick.”


10) Coors put its slogan, “Turn It Loose,” into Spanish, where it was read as “Suffer From Diarrhea.”


9) Pepsi’s “Come Alive With the Pepsi Generation” translated into “Pepsi Brings Your Ancestors Back From the Grave” in Chinese.


8) When Gerber started selling baby food in Africa, they used the same packaging as in the US, with the smiling baby on the label. Later they learned that in Africa, companies routinely put pictures on the labels of what’s inside, since many people can’t read.


7) Colgate introduced a toothpaste in France called Cue, the name of a notorious porno magazine.


6) Frank Perdue’s chicken slogan, “It takes a strong man to make a tender chicken,” was translated into Spanish as “it takes an aroused man to make a chicken affectionate.”


5) When American Airlines wanted to advertise its new leather first class seats in the Mexican market, it translated its “Fly In Leather” campaign literally, which meant “Fly Naked” (vuela en cuero) in Spanish.


4) An American T-shirt maker in Miami printed shirts for the Spanish market which promoted the Pope’s visit. Instead of “I saw the Pope” (el Papa), the shirts read “I Saw the Potato” (la papa).


3) The Dairy Association’s huge success with the campaign “Got Milk?” prompted them to expand advertising to Mexico. It was soon brought to their attention the Spanish translation read “Are You Lactating?”


2) General Motors had a very famous fiasco in trying to market the Nova car in Central and South America. “No va” in Spanish means, “It Doesn’t Go”.


1) The Coca-Cola name in China was first read as “Kekoukela”, meaning “Bite the Wax Tadpole” or “Female Horse Stuffed with Wax”, depending on the dialect. Coke then researched 40,000 characters to find a phonetic equivalent “kokoukole”, translating into “Happiness in the Mouth.”

“Even if this type of bra makes your breast low, no concern of mine.”

I was looking up clothes making and patterns today — not because I can sew, you understand, but because I have pretentions to an ability to sew.

Anyway I found this japanese website where it shows you how to make a bra and knickers from scratch. Tutorial seems good, plus the english translation is hilarious.

http://panty.hanty.net/brassiere.html –For the bra

http://panty.hanty.net/ — For the knickers

Happy sewing sewstars.x

Published in: on June 5, 2009 at 4:45 pm  Comments (1)  

It’s my birthday soon

If anyone would like to buy me this it’d be nice. It’s 30% off so total steal. To the best of my recollection Serena wore it in Season one Gossip Girl when her and Dan went on their first date. I’d also like her hair.

27657_in_l

https://www.theoutnet.com/product/27657

Published in: on June 4, 2009 at 11:08 pm  Leave a Comment  

Bookmark this

I think Karl called lists “the mainstay of lazy blogging”, or somesuch. They are, I love them. Here’s another, this time of random sites that I have in my bookmarks folder and may be of interest.

Make and Do

bird cage bag

  • http://www.thing-a-day.com/ — This is where I stole the idea for this blog from. I never remember to sign up for it whenever they do the whole sign up deal, but it’s bookmarked just in case.
  • http://www.instructables.com/ — DIY extravaganza, including section on manly crafts, phwaor huhh and other manly noises.
  • http://etsy.com — Sort of like ebay but with homemade crafts. And possibly not an auction, I don’t know cos I’ve never bought anything. I just like looking at what people make. The picture above is of a handmade hand printed birdcage bag, from tabidesigns on etsy.
  • http://www.cutoutandkeep.net/ — More craft tutorials, pretty layout.

Sites I found when procrastinating writing college essays

My computer is slowly disintergrating, and as my mouse has decided to stop working I shall leave it there. Happy surfing…

    Movies in the Park

    If Dun Laoghaire-Rathdown county council can do one thing right it’s showing films. In the park. Amazing. Presume they’ll be doing this through the summer with intervals.

    And the festival of world cultures is not to be sniffed at either of course.

    http://www.dlrevents.ie/movies1_09.html

    Published in: on June 1, 2009 at 12:56 am  Leave a Comment  
    Tags: , , , , , , , , ,