Top ten tips on how to make very little money at a carboot sale


  1. Believe you are going to a carboot sale, when in fact you are going to some sort of hip sceney scenster arty fart fest where they sell feathers and whimsical dresses and ironic badges.
  2. If doors to the public open at one, make sure that you are there no more than ten minutes before hand. Otherwise you might have time to set up your stall.
  3. Make sure it’s raining before you leave. Make sure you don’t have a canopy or any form of cover for your things. Make sure your umbrella is stolen somehow in the middle of a downpour. Make sure most of the things you are trying to sell get saturated.
  4. Set up your stall in the furthest corner from everything. Put it between two way more interesting looking stalls.
  5. Bring a non-freestanding novelty, such as a giant painted horse, and break it. Spend first half hour trying to stick its head back on with tape and try bolster it somehow against the raging winds.
  6. Scowl at potential customers. Refuse to make eye-contact with anyone. Remark loudly how all your stuff is rubbish, and you’d be happy to give it away.
  7. When asked for a price, stare incredulously and say something like, “really? You want that yoke? Eh…ten cent?”
  8. Scrunch all creasable clothing items you wish to sell into tiny balls before you leave the house. Once you’ve arrived, allow clothing items to fall into pools of mud. Then hang on hangers.
  9. Accidentally break things while trying to show people how they work.
  10. Don’t bring any change.